So that goal for 2015?  That subtitle of my blog?

Persistently choosing joy?

That’s going to be a bit of a challenge for a while.  Not to say it can’t be done, but it’s very difficult to find the joy when an oncologist tells you your mama’s recent mild headaches are being caused by 15 brain tumors — melanoma that metasticized from the mole she had surgically removed “successfully” three years ago. Not only that, but there’s a bonus:  six spots scattered around both lungs.

Joy unspeakable.

Because it’s hard to find right now.

So here’s the plan:  whole brain radiation for ten days (Monday thru Friday with a break for the weekend, and then Monday through Friday again), and on each of those radiation days, chemotherapy in the form of a pill.  After the radiation oncologist at MD Anderson finishes up with that, they’ll do a lung biopsy to see if the spots on her lungs are also melanoma, or another kind of cancer.  Which, the melanoma oncologist said, would be even worse luck.  I’m not sure it’s possible to measure degrees of good or bad luck when talking about cancer.  It’s CANCER.

There are three possible treatments for the lung spots:  (1) chemotherapy; (2) targeted cancer therapies; or (3) immune-based therapy.

1. Chemotherapy:  works by stopping or slowing the growth of cancer cells, which grow and divide quickly. Chemotherapy is used to:
   • Treat cancer  Chemotherapy can be used to cure cancer, lessen the chance it will return, or stop or slow its growth.
   • Ease cancer symptoms  Chemotherapy can be used to shrink tumors that are causing pain and other problems.
2. Targeted Cancer Therapies: Targeted cancer therapies are drugs or other substances that interfere with specific molecules involved in cancer cell growth and survival. Traditional chemotherapy drugs, by contrast, act against all actively dividing cells.  Targeted cancer therapies that have been approved for use against specific cancers include agents that prevent cell growth signaling, interfere with tumor blood vessel development, promote the death of cancer cells, stimulate the immune system to destroy cancer cells, and deliver toxic drugs to cancer cells.
3. Immunotherapy:  Immunotherapy is the use of medicines to stimulate a patient’s own immune system to recognize and destroy cancer cells more effectively. Several types of immunotherapy can be used to treat patients with melanoma.

The doctor we spoke with is leaning toward the immunotherapy approach.  If I am remembering correctly, she said she would use Pembrolizumab (which, according to the article linked above: “By blocking PD-1, these drugs boost the immune response against melanoma cells, which can often shrink tumors and help people live longer (although it’s not yet clear if these drugs can cure melanoma).”  She seemed to think this treatment had the best possible chance of success with the fewest side effects.  The only thing (and only is a big “only”) she seemed to have a concern about is that my mother has had corneal transplants in both eyes for several years.  This therapy could perceive the transplants as “invaders” and attack them, too.  So she could lose her vision.

Ultimately what it all comes down to is this, at least as far as man is concerned:  the cancer is stage 4.  There is no “cure” to speak of.  The treatments will hopefully slow the cancer down and buy us some more time with Mom.  The only other solution is a real miracle from the Lord.

I am praying and hoping for that miracle.  In the meantime, I’m thanking the Lord for the opportunity to spend time with my mama, taking care of her and making a few more memories to last me until I see her again in heaven.

Taking a moment to say I’m still here and I plan on posting something of substance soon.  The last few weeks have been pretty full.  I am happy to say though the path has not always been smooth, I have felt the Lord’s presence in spite of myself, and I have great hope regarding many things in my life and the lives of those I love.  Have a blessed day, my friends.  Have a blessed day.

I struggle with rabbit trails.  It’s no secret that I’m easily distracted, and while I wouldn’t go so far as to label myself ADD, it takes a lot of effort to keep my thoughts on task.  Having said that, I am learning that sometimes the Lord guides us to the “rabbit trails” when we sit down to study his word. Recently I ran across an article online about why pastors don’t preach on demons.  As I read the article, I looked up the various scriptures he referenced.  Our pastor at Fathers House Church teaches that we should always measure everything against the word of God, so I’m really striving to do that in my studies.  The article is good and really drives home this truth:

For we are not fighting against flesh-and-blood enemies, but against evil rulers and authorities of the unseen world, against mighty powers in this dark world, and against evil spirits in the heavenly places. (Ephesians 6:12 NLT)

As I continued reading, the writer referenced the following:

The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full. (emphasis added, John 10:10 NIV)

I know I’ve heard this scripture umpteen times in the course of my life.  Usually the point of the sermon is Jesus as the Good Shepherd, that the sheep know his voice and will not follow a stranger.  It’s an excellent teaching, of course, but I think the Lord was really drawing my attention to something else this time. The word “only” grabbed my attention and pulled me down that rabbit trail.

It’s been my observation (and I say this with sincere concern, not judgment) that we, as followers of Jesus, sometimes let our guard down when it comes to supposedly “harmless” things.  We open doors to things that weaken, and eventually replace our commitment to Jesus, and each other as brothers and sisters in Christ. While there are plenty of areas where this happens, one that’s been heavy on my heart (and it relates specifically to the article I was reading), is entertainment with roots in both the occult and pornography.  Walk into any bookstore, check out any theater movie schedule, peruse the current popular video/card games and find the choices rife with vampires, witches, witchcraft, etc., most of which are aimed at children, teenagers, and young adults.  The excuses made are “if it gets them reading, it’s okay!” and “it’s just make-believe.”

I can’t say whether there are really vampires and witches like those of the movies and books, but I do know that there are evil spirits behind these things — evil spirits that seek to steal and kill and destroy… While “adult” books and movies are marketed toward the “older” population, access to these materials is becoming less and less difficult to obtain by younger people.  Bodice-ripper novels are “epic in scope and usually featuring more violent sexual content, bodice rippers are the books that ushered in the era of the modern romance novel.” (Defined by Goodreads, italics added.)  Movies like Fifty Shades of Grey twist our views of healthy relationships between men and women.  Never mind scriptural definitions of man/woman relationships — any decent psychologist will tell you these are not healthy relationships.

The thief in John 10:10 isn’t interested in getting young people reading or entertaining us in a “harmless” way.  The books that get our kids reading, the movies that entertain us for a couple of hours and lighten our wallets by $40 are merely the tools by which the thief steals and kills and destroys, and that is the thief’s ONLY purpose.

Before anyone reading this rants and raves about censorship and narrow-minded legalism, I’d like to offer up this:  brush up on your skills of discernment.  Ask the Lord to show you what is good and profitable for your relationship with him.  When you read a book, are you encouraged at the end?  Do you feel stronger in your relationship with God, or are you embarrassed to know that he knows you read that book?  And he does, you know.

As members of the homeschooling community (eight year members, if we’re being specific), we knew people who subscribed to both ends of the spectrum when it came to dating and courtship.  Less conservative members of our circle were okay with dating, while the more conservative members pursued the courtship model, where daughters stayed home and potential suitors presented their cases to the fathers for consideration.   We fell somewhere in the middle — dating within boundaries, with the understanding that potentially serious contenders would spend time with us as well, so we could get to know them, too.  After all, there’s a lot of truth in the saying that you don’t just marry your spouse — you marry their family, too.  In addition, ultimately our girl would be the one living with whomever she married, so she needed to be the one to make that decision — not us.

Unfortunately, the word “courtship” can hold negative connotations to the young person who feels it’s simply a method of control, a way to keep him or her from growing up.  It’s so challenging as a parent to communicate what we’re really trying to do — help our children transition to adulthood with as little heartache as possible.  Maybe that’s a naive hope.  But it certainly doesn’t keep us from trying.

To my way of thinking, the extreme courtship model was an effort to combat the dating scene that is so prevalent:  the scene in which two people use each other more for entertainment and selfish desires than to get to know each other with the possibility of lifelong commitment.  The scene where young people struggle to differentiate between love and hormones.  And how can they not struggle, when the word “love” is thrown around so casually in every book, movie, song, and conversation that its meaning is diluted from overuse?  Seriously, we love pizza, we love that song, we love books, we love the way that girl cuts our hair, we love, we love, we love!  Thank you, English language for not giving us more specific words to really explain what we mean in each of these cases.

Perhaps it’s not so much that the word is diluted as it is misunderstood or misapplied, because more than one type of love exists.  Specifically, agape, phileo, and eros — and the confusion of these types of love can lead to difficult situations and great hurt.

Agape love is a selfless love that does not take into consideration one’s personal feelings.  It’s the kind of sacrificial love that Jesus Christ showed when he gave his life for us, even while we were still sinners.

Phileo love is the kind of affection that we have for our friends — brotherly love not necessarily rooted in sacrifice or service to another.

Finally, there’s eros — a sexual, erotic love that is rooted in desire for another.

While agape love can be considered the best of the three, because it’s when showing another person agape love that we come closest to emulating the Lord, each has its place in the proper context.  I think you can compare it to the old cliché about getting the cart before the horse.  When young people start to notice those of the opposite sex, they tend to skip straight to the eros kind of love — hormones are raging, the heart is racing, and all they can think about is how much they want the other person.  But why do they want the other person?  For the way the other person makes them feel.  It’s a selfish, not selfless, kind of love that makes demands and doesn’t consider what’s best for the other person.

However, when relationships are started and nurtured in the proper order, affection has time to grow into love and then desire, desire that is rooted in caring for each other rather than thinking about how to get what one wants from the relationship.

We were not big fans of either extreme courtship or casual dating.  I wish the article linked below had been around to help us explain our views a little more clearly whenever the subject came up in conversation, because I think it really comes close to what I believe:

5 Reasons Men Should Start Courting Women Again | James Michael Sama.

We decided to break the trip into two parts.  On Sunday we drove from Jones Creek to New Orleans, where we took advantage of the opportunity to visit my dad and his girlfriend.  Early this morning, after breakfast and an all-to-brief visit with them, we loaded everything into the car again and got back on the road, bound for Decatur, Alabama.

I will be honest.  While I’ve been very excited at the prospect of visiting our dear friends after too long a separation, I have not been excited about the prospect of the travel involved in this visit.  First of all, I’ve never traveled so far from home without my husband.  While I’m perfectly capable (for the most part), there’s just something comforting about knowing he’s there in an emergency.  So that’s been worrying me.  And then there’s the weather forecast.

Oh. My.

For days, every weather forecast I reviewed promised unpleasant, if not downright terrible, weather.  The further north our route took us, the greater risk we seemed to be for icy roads and worse.  I kept checking the forecast and asking my husband questions about tires and ice and what one does when encountering icy conditions.  (My dad advised pulling over into the first available motel.)

Sunday morning after the service, I asked our associate pastor if he would keep us in prayer while we traveled.  He prayed for us right then and there, and I immediately felt better about everything.  We hopped in the car and began heading toward New Orleans.

I am so happy to share that we did not encounter one bit of rain, ice, sleet, or snow on either day of our travels!  It is such a comfort to know that God has everything under control, and He cares about our every need.

It’s such a heavy word.  Responsibilities.  With each year, the list grows longer of the things that we grownups must do.  Go to work, pay the bills, household chores, etc., etc., etc. (said in my best Yul Brenner “King of Siam” voice).

There’s no other escape.

I must go and clean the cat’s litter box.