And this infuriates me. I used the “quick post” feature and wrote a WONDERFUL post about juggling several tasks at once. Then I decided to add a photo. And the danged thing covered up my post somehow … I am NOT a happy camper, because I cannot find my words. And my words are more important to me at this moment than this stupid photo.
“Heartache”
Fighting back tears while I try to understand how certain theological doctrines become such divisive issues between people who’ve been friends…
How is it that the “iron that sharpens iron” often does not sharpen, but cuts to the quick?
How I wish I’d never responded to an invitation to comment on a friend’s blog! I thought I formulated my comments with care and with love. The discussion began regarding the doctrine of election … that some are chosen to spend eternity with God and others have no hope.
Frankly, when I read John 3:16 in my Bible, it plainly says “For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that WHOSOEVER believes in Him shall not perish but have everlasting life.”
WHOSOEVER … not “those over there, but not these over here” … it is a scripture FULL of hope for all who believe in Him. For this same reason, I do not believe that one denomination has a corner market on eternity. I believe that there are Christ-followers in every denomination – people who have been convicted of their need for a savior and have trusted God with their confession and desire to follow Him.
I know that there are scriptures that seem to contradict each other. I know that there are scriptures that refer to God’s chosen. I can’t help but interpret that to mean those who come to God are chosen by Him because they are obedient in their repentance.
Maybe I am wrong and someday God will tell me that I didn’t quite understand that the way He meant it. But I don’t think it’s a “deal breaker” for my salvation. I said as much in my comments, that it would be wonderful to some day sit together at the foot of His throne and learn the intricacies of the Word with a renewed mind that can grasp Truth without the mind fog that we’re saddled with here on this earth.
Sadly, my friend sternly rebuked me with such harshness that I do not feel the freedom to offer my thoughts any longer. I mourn the loss of a friendship without ties that bind the exchange of honest, heartfelt though.
My heart aches.
“Working”
The last three weekends have not been weekends at all. They’ve been the two non-workday workdays that connect Monday through Friday of one week to Monday through Friday of the next. The house in Galveston needs a great deal of work and it falls to my husband, his older sister and I to get the job done, since their younger sister lives out of state. One or more of us has arrived and spent anywhere between 8 and 12 hours each Saturday cleaning out drawers, cabinets, closets, etc. of the accumulation of forty years of life. Yesterday we actually arrived around noon and worked until 3:00 a.m. Sunday morning. A five hour “nap,” and we were back at it until heading home around 10:30 a.m.
I think it was around 2:00 a.m. on Sunday morning that the three of us collapsed in the front room to catch our breaths for a minute. We started thinking about how much had been purged and my accountant sister-in-law calculated that each of the two city trashcans held approximately 10 trash bags. We’d filled them to overflowing each weekend, putting them to the curb. We’ve thrown away roughly 60 bags of trash and other sundry, non-sentimental items that have no value to any of us, or anyone who may come through the estate sale being planned to happen in a few weeks.
Then the REAL work begins. Getting the financing to have the foundation repaired, flooring replaced, wallpaper stripped and walls textured and painted. And that’s just what I can think of off the top of my head. Of course, to minimize the amount to be borrowed, we’ll pitch in and do whatever labor we can – the foundation will be repaired professionally, but I have a feeling that we’ll be doing the floors, stripping the wallpaper, texturing and painting the walls. Then the house will either be put on the market as a residential rental, or possibly a vacation rental.
I’m tired just thinking about it!
On the way home, we took the Bluewater Highway and at one point my husband pulled over to respond to a text message. He’d pulled onto the beach from the access road and I couldn’t help but hop out and take a few photographs while he typed out his message.
“Beautiful”
In less than 48 hours, we will celebrate the 16th birthday of the most beautiful thing we’ve ever been a part of: our daughter. I can’t believe that we are so close to the day when she’ll go out on her own as an independent woman. It won’t happen for a few years yet. But when I think of how fast these 16 years have flown past, I can’t help but prepare myself for the day she leaves as if it were tomorrow morning. I’m not a “natural mom,” in that I didn’t play with baby dolls and I don’t rush to grab the newborn when someone shows off a new baby. Truth to tell, babies and even young children scare me the tiniest bit.
But I have loved every bit of being “mom” to this little girl – I can’t imagine what my life would be like without her. I love her so very much.
“Inspired”
We’re already wrapping up the first month of the year. How does it go by SO fast? I’ve been thinking about what I’ve accomplished over the last 30 days, and it’s hard not to get discouraged. Of course, there were some beyond-my-control things that happened, so I can’t take all the blame. BUT I am responsible for what I can control.
I’m working on ideas to better manage time and get the things done that need to be done. I know it sounds silly, and totally unrelated to my writing and my photography, but one of the things that drives me crazy here at the house is the perpetual herd of dog hair tumbleweeds that roll across our hardwood floors. Doesn’t matter how much we vacuum, the herd is always there. So I’ve come up with a schedule to help minimize the problem: there are three of us and there are three dogs. Rather than each of us brush a dog every single day of the week, we are each responsible for brushing all three dogs two days a week. I’m on dog grooming duty Tuesdays and Fridays. So at some point today, I’ll need to brush the 95 lb. golden retriever, the 15 lb. chorkie, and the 8 lb. chihuahua. And I will feel accomplished when I can check it off my list.
If I can get a handle on silly things like that (and laundry!), I think I’ll be able to work on my novel with a clearer conscience and not feel guilty if I lock myself away for a couple of hours each day. Some other things that must take a backseat to this goal of mine: Facebook and the internet in general … I spend much too much time on Facebook checking to see what’s going on with my circle of friends. I am somewhat proud that their numbers are less than 200, and quite a few of those are students from my photography class, but still. It takes time. It takes work to stay in touch with so many people on a daily basis. The internet as a whole is distracting to me, too. It’s like a huge library in which I can wander up and down the stacks, browsing for information, ideas, etc. That’s not necessarily a bad thing (I rarely go to our local library looking for a specific book), but when I look up at the clock and I’ve lost three hours just browsing … well, there’s a problem.
When I set this blog up yesterday, I discovered another blog that I hope to include in my pared-down list of daily internet stops. Susan Kiernan-Lewis is a writer who also blogs. Granted, I’ve read a total of THREE of her blog posts and none of her books (yet), but the three blog posts I read were probably some of the most inspiring posts I’d read in recent times. She discussed “The Scariest Thing You Will Do As a Writer“, “The Great Social Media Flim-Flam“, and “Life After Twitter“. And I came away inspired. Because ultimately, to paraphrase the Bard, the book’s the thing. Enough of this being distracted by things that impede progress toward the goal.
I turned 48 years old on Friday. Thirty-four years ago, I had a language arts/writing teacher who saw something in my writing and encouraged me to write. For the remainder of my school career, until I graduated college in 1986, I wrote. And then I got a job, a car, an apartment, and eventually a family. All of which are good things, indeed. But I forgot about the hope that teacher had for me and my gift. Recently, probably in the last six months, that teacher happened to go to the chiropractor’s office where my sister works. She asked about me and if I was still writing. When my sister told her “no,” she sighed and said, “I always thought she was publishable.”
And so I’ve been inspired, by that teacher, by Susan Kiernan-Lewis, by my husband who believes in me. It’s not too late. I can do this. And I will.
“Waiting”
While my husband and his sisters discussed business regarding the estate left behind by his father and stepmother, I took my camera for a short photo shoot around town in order to give them some privacy. This little guy was waiting on the edge of the seawall, as if we had an appointment for his portrait session. I normally don’t do a lot of editing to my work, but I decided to have a little fun utilizing some of the “tools/toys” available in Picasa. I kind of like the way this shot turned out. What do you think?
A Scribbler & A Shutterbug 