Here’s another Texas funny for your enjoyment.  Bear with me, I enjoy these things and it is  my blog, after all. 

Things All Texans Know

Armadillos sleep in the middle of the road with their feet in the air.
Roadrunners don’t say “Beep Beep.”
There are 5,000 types of snakes and 4,998 live in Texas.
There are 10,000 types of spiders and a All 10,000 live in Texas, plus a couple no one’s seen before.
Possums will eat anything.
Armadillos love to dig holes under tomato plants.
If it grows…it sticks. If it crawls…it bites.
Nothing will kill a mesquite tree!

Texas has 5 seasons:
Spring: Feb 16 to April 15 (temp less than 90 degrees)
Summer: April 16 to July 15 (temp 90 to 99 degrees)
Super Summer: July 16 to Sept 10 (temp 100 to 115 degrees)
Summer: Sept. 11 to Oct 1 (temp 90 to 99 degrees)
Fall: Oct 2 to Dec. 1 (temp less than 90 degrees)
Winter: Dec. 2 to Feb 15 (temp less than 70 degrees)

“Onced” and “Twiced” are words.
Fireants consider your flesh a picnic.

“Coldbeer” is one word.
People actually grow and eat okra…
When the world ends, only cockroaches and mesquite trees will survive.
When you live in the country, you don’t have to buy a dog. People drop them off at your gate in the middle of the night!
The sound of coyotes howling at night only sounds good for the first couple of weeks.
When a buzzard sits on the fence and stares at you, it’s time to go the doctor.

A chicken crosses the road, just to prove to the Possum that it can actually be done.
“Di-rectly”, simply means sooner, or later.
“Fixinto” is one word, as is “goan”- go on, or “comon” – come on.

The word dinner is confusing. There’s only lunch and then there’s supper.
“Backards and forards” means I know everything about you.
“Jeet?” is actually a phrase meaning “Did you eat?”
You don’t have to wear a watch because it doesn’t matter what time it is. You work until you’re done or it’s too dark to see.
You’ve had to switch from “heat” to “A/C” in the same day.
Stores don’t have bags; they have sacks.

All the festivals across the state are named after a fruit, vegetable, grain, insect or animal.
You install security lights on your house and garage and leave both unlocked!
You carry jumper cables in your car … for your OWN car.
You know what “cow tipping” and “snipe hunting” is.

You know whether another Texan is from east, west, north, or south Texas as soon as they open their mouth.

There is a Dairy Queen in every town with a population of 1000 or more.
Going to Wal-Mart is a favorite past-time.
You describe the first cool snap (below 70 degrees) as good chili weather.
A carbonated soft drink isn’t a soda, cola, or pop it’s a “Coke”, regardless of brand or flavor.

You understand these jokes and forward them to your friends from Texas…

3 thoughts on “

  1. I once asked a woman in the south where I could find a pop machine.  She looked at me like I was insane. 
    My boss, who is from TN, told me a joke once.  He said there’s a word in the south that northerners don’t know.  It’s “digiwicha”.  It’s used in phrases like “Hey, you didn’t bring yer truck digiwicha?”


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