Posted on by Laura Jinkins

It’s Gonna’ Be A Little Tough…

to live up to my tagline up there ^^^

The “persistently choosing joy” effort…

I read recently that Philippians 4:13, the scripture that says “13 For I can do everything through Christ, who gives me strength.,” is not a pep talk to encourage us that we can accomplish all our dreams and wishes. If you look back a couple of verses, you’ll read this:

11 Not that I was ever in need, for I have learned how to be content with whatever I have. 12 I know how to live on almost nothing or with everything. I have learned the secret of living in every situation, whether it is with a full stomach or empty, with plenty or little.

It’s funny, because so many people pull that single scripture out when they are trying to do something they want to do — the guy that wants to run a marathon, or the gal that wants to achieve a sales goal, or whatever. “I can do this thing because I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me…” Reading the full text tells me that it doesn’t have a thing to do with those kind of goals. What it does mean is that no matter what happens in this world, I can get through it because I have Jesus Christ to give me strength. 

I’ll be leaning heavily on that portion of scripture in the days to come, because I don’t see things improving for followers of Christ, or Americans in general, any time soon. I may need to revise my tagline to read

Persistently Choosing Joy and Contentment, No Matter What

 (Scriptures quoted from the New Living Translation.)

Posted on by Laura Jinkins · 7 Comments

What I Hope for in November?

A question was posed on Facebook earlier — “what do you hope for in November?” I didn’t know the person asking the question personally to know what his endgame was, but it got me to thinking about how this day has gone since Cruz and Kasich both suspended their campaigns.

I’ve seen terrible debates, vitriolic anger even. People able to look past the litany of his questionable behaviors (or sins for those of us who are more faith minded) are passionately entreating others to vote for Trump so Hillary won’t win. Guilt is used as a weapon — if those who take moral issue with Trump don’t vote, it will be their fault that Hillary wins.

It’s this high-pressured, anger driven demand for my vote that made me really examine the fact that it’s my vote to do with as I will. To use on Election Day, or to “throw away” as the Trump supporters would claim. Somehow in the examination of my vote, I started to think about what I would do in other high-pressured “my way or the highway” situations. Situations like this one:

In the last days, we will be forced to choose. Choose the way of man (the antichrist), or fidelity to Christ. Fidelity to Christ will not be a popular choice for those who don’t truly forsake all others, including themselves. Fidelity to Christ will mean suffering, persecution, even death. Most likely death. DEATH. And yet, I have people yelling that I must choose Trump. If I don’t, terrible things are going to happen. My taxes may go up (again). My guns may be taken away. I may not be able to speak freely and they may even tell me I can’t go to church. The truth is, these things may still happen, even with Trump. His claim to Christianity is thin and as the man who wrote The Art of the Deal, I’m pretty sure Trump says whatever Trump thinks he needs to say at that moment to gain his objective, which is the presidency.

Ultimately, whatever may happen to me under a Trump or Hillary presidency, it can’t be as bad or worse as the consequences for compromising my faith.

Unless I get some clear sense of peace about voting for Trump, I won’t be able to do so. A man who says he sees no need to ask forgiveness from Christ is full of pride which, if you’ll remember, is the same sin that led to Lucifer’s fall from the angels. Of course, I did read the article below earlier, which gives a more positive, although painful spin on what a Trump presidency might do for America. If my vote will help bring this about, hopefully the Lord will give me peace about voting for Trump. Of course, I don’t think this is what the Trump supporters have in mind when they say he’s going to “make American great again.”

7 Reasons Why a Trump Administration Might be a Good Thing

Posted on by Laura Jinkins · 3 Comments

Preparations

My beautiful picture
My beautiful mama and me, 1965

My mama is never far from my mind these days. Even though I’ve been busy with usual day-to-day responsibilities, more days than not I spend a few minutes thinking “this time last year, we were in the waiting room at MD Anderson” or “this time last year, we were about to start radiation treatments,” or “this time last year, I was living with Mama in Alvin…”

It’s hard to believe in only three months it will be a year since Mama passed away and we laid her to rest under the beautiful old oak tree at the Confederate Cemetery in Alvin. Of course, it’s just her physical body lying there. We know where she really is. We know she’s with Jesus.

When I think back to last August — how the expected was still very unexpected — I am so grateful for Mama’s planning. I think it was around the time of her first battle with melanoma, probably four years ago, that she started thinking about preparations for the inevitable journey that we all face at the end of our time on earth. I am the daughter who usually sticks her head in the sand about things like this. I can’t help but also be grateful that my sister, Angie, handles “things like this” so much better than I do. (I owe you big time, Little Sister!)

Whenever Mama tried to talk to me about it, I emphatically insisted on changing the subject. Poor Mama! It was important to her to have a “nice” funeral — she did not want to be cremated. She pointed out how much respect the living paid the dead in the Bible. She couldn’t reconcile cremation with the traditions of the early church, and did not want us to have to resort to that because a traditional funeral was too expensive. I have to assume my sister helped her coordinate the information needed to purchase a $10,000 life insurance policy for burial expenses when the time came. Mama paid the monthly premium faithfully to make sure we wouldn’t have to worry about anything.

During the last few months of her life, she started making known the specifics that she wanted for her last “party.” It sounds strange, but to us it is a party, a celebration of eternal life through the saving grace of Jesus Christ. Don’t get me wrong — we cried plenty, but there is comfort in knowing we will see her again.

The Christmas before she found out her cancer had come back, she faxed me her Christmas list. She asked for two specific songs: “I’d Rather Have Jesus” by George Beverly Shea and “There’s Just Something About That Name” by Danny Gaither. I was able to find the first, but could not find the second. I gave her the one I could find on Christmas Eve and then discovered she’d asked for them because she wanted those songs played at her funeral! I fussed at her about that, asking for funeral music as a Christmas gift! My silly mama.

From the time she was diagnosed the first week of April, until she passed away the first week of August, she kept hoping and praying that she would get well, but she also faced the fact that might not be God’s plan for her. So my sister brought her computer over and they looked at caskets and flowers and headstones online. It was during their conversations that she let it be known she would really like a mahogany casket, and that she wanted her full name, “Norma Jean Swearingen Swan” on her headstone. My niece was paying attention, because when it came time to choose a casket piece from the florist, I could not remember what my mama’s favorite flower was. My niece quickly offered that Mama said she loved lilies. Mama mentioned that there was an available spot near her friends at the Confederate Cemetery and my sweet husband took care of securing the spot under the beautiful oak tree.

When you lose a loved one, it’s amazing how quickly everything happens. You’re standing in a hospital room at 4:35 am being told your mama is gone, and before the end of the day, you’re talking to a funeral director and trying to deal with how far $10,000 will go in between close encounters with a soggy Kleenex. It’s painful and messy, but much less so than if you had to make these decisions all the while wondering how to pay for everything.

The precious funeral director took such excellent care of us. My sister brought the paperwork from the life insurance policy to the funeral home and with the ease of a couple of signatures, signed it over to them. The funeral home kept a tally of how much everything cost and deducted it from the value of the policy. We looked at caskets, and in the course of the conversation, mentioned that Mama really wanted a mahogany casket. The funeral director asked us if we’d looked online. We were both a bit shocked by that, but she smiled gently and said, “You can get what she wanted for half the price if you order it online. But you need to do it tonight so the truck will be able to deliver it from Dallas in time.” I cannot say how much we appreciated this kind soul who basically took money out of her own pocket so that we could honor our mama’s wishes. When all was said and done, they returned a balance to us which we set aside for Mama’s headstone.

The service was beautiful and I’m pretty sure Mama was pleased with how we did things. The mahogany casket arrived on time, and we were invited to come see Mama the night before the funeral. The director had taken special care and even allowed my sister to come sit with her while she did Mama’s hair and makeup. It was really important to Angie that Mama’s makeup look the way we remembered it. As we stood there next to the casket, Angie said, “Mama, how do you like your new bed?” We both burst into laughter through our tears because we knew it was what she wanted and that she would be pleased. The flowers were beautiful, and we displayed photos that Mama loved in the foyer. The next day, during the service, the entire congregation joined together to sing the songs Mama had asked for, as well as Amazing Grace. It was the most beautiful funeral I think I’ve ever attended.

I’m so grateful that Mama made provision with the insurance policy, and that she made her wishes known so we, her daughters, her son-in-law, and her grandchildren, could honor her in a way that reflected who she really was at heart: a loving mother, grandmother, and most importantly a woman who’d rather have Jesus than anything.

Posted on by Laura Jinkins · 3 Comments

Perfect Plans

Isn’t it funny how you can think you’re on the upswing and everything is getting better, only to get hit by another wave of doubt and fear, toppling back to the bottom of the mountain you’re trying to overcome?  That’s how the last couple of days have been for me.  Right when I was feeling pretty good about things, something happened to shake my “absolute conviction” (faith) and it seemed that my eyes would fill with tears every few minutes.  I’d angrily shake them off and pray, “God!  Why are things not getting better when I thought they were???  I want this trial over and I want it over now!  I’ve been praying almost constantly — where are YOU???”

I woke up this morning determined to have a better attitude, and I opened up the Bible app on my phone to see if the “verse of the day” would have something to encourage me in my efforts.  The verse was on tithing and completely unrelated to my current struggle.  Heavy sigh.  Then I noticed a reading plan that I’d not seen before and it looked interesting:  “Changed:  Next Steps for a Changed Life”.  Opening it up, I read the first day’s reading:

Matthew 16:21-23 (NIV)

21From that time on Jesus began to explain to his disciples that he must go to Jerusalem and suffer many things at the hands of the elders, the chief priests and the teachers of the law, and that he must be killed and on the third day be raised to life. 22Peter took him aside and began to rebuke him. “Never, Lord!” he said. “This shall never happen to you!” 23Jesus turned and said to Peter, “Get behind me, Satan! You are a stumbling block to me; you do not have in mind the concerns of God, but merely human concerns.”

Wow.  I didn’t have to think about it long to see what wisdom God had for me in these three scriptures.  Could there be a corollary between this passage in Matthew and the fact that we should trust in God’s plans since they are perfect? Peter argued with the Lord about what was going to happen and Jesus rebuked him — Peter’s attitude was rooted in selfishness, but God’s perfect plan was one to save the world by Jesus’s willingness to make the ultimate sacrifice of atonement.

My family is going through a difficult time right now and I would love for it to just be OVER. But the Word teaches us that through struggles our faith is made stronger and we grow in the Lord (James 1). God is using this valley to make us more mature servants in His kingdom. If I got my (selfish) way and the difficulties ended now, I (and others in my family) would stay weak and not become more effective witnesses for His grace in our lives. I am learning to be grateful for His grace to see this time through and to keep my eyes on His perfect plan, however long it may take to come to completion.

Posted on by Laura Jinkins

Fear is the Robber of Faith

This morning’s service was phenomenally good, and I’m so glad I was there to hear it.  I’ve been working very hard on my tardiness problem, especially when it comes to church.  Even though I was running behind this morning, we managed to get there only a couple of minutes after 10:30 — miraculously, the service had not yet started!

Pastor is preaching (teaching?) on faith right now, and I can’t think of anything that could possibly be more important to me now than faith.  I’ve been struggling with doubt for months (years?), doubt which often translates to fear, and the service this morning really made me think deeply about my faith.  I’ll share some of the scripture references and notes I took, along with my impressions now that I’ve had a little time to ponder everything I heard.

Mark 11:22 — 22And Jesus answered them, “Have faith in God. 23Truly, I say to you, whoever says to this mountain, ‘Be taken up and thrown into the sea,’ and does not doubt in his heart, but believes that what he says will come to pass, it will be done for him. 24Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours. 25And whenever you stand praying, forgive, if you have anything against anyone, so that your Father also who is in heaven may forgive you your trespasses.

I’ve heard this passage many times over the years, and today was the first time I’d heard it explained in a way that I could actually identify with it.  I mean, really!  If I go stand at the foot of Mount McKinley and say with authority, “Be taken up and thrown into the sea,” I don’t doubt that God could do that.  BUT why would He do it?  What purpose would it serve?  Doesn’t that seem to be a silly test of the power of God? The mountain referred to in this passage, while it most certainly could be, is not necessarily an actual mountain.  Pastor threw this thought out there:  the mountain could be fear, sickness, debt, sin, and a host of other examples I wasn’t able to scribble down before he moved on.  The important point is, whatever the trial, whatever the trouble, no matter how big it may seem to us — nothing is impossible for God if we trust in Him and His word.

“Faith is not how strong you are — it’s how strong God is.” — Pastor Rick

Often it is easy for us to have faith for someone else’s circumstances.  When the next-door neighbor is facing a health crisis or a family member’s work situation is making them miserable, it’s easy to say, “Oh, I’ll pray for you!  God will see you through this!”  But put that shoe on the other foot — your foot, and suddenly that faith is a little more difficult to hold onto.  This is why it’s so critical for us to read the Bible and really absorb God’s promises into our hearts and minds, so when doubt comes we can rely on what we know to be true.

Romans 10:17 — 17So faith comes from hearing, and hearing through the word of Christ.

So if nothing is impossible for God if we’re trusting Him, then life should be easy peasy from this point onward, right?  Not so fast there.  While faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen, it is NOT a means for telling God what to do.

1 John 5:14 — 14And this is the confidence that we have toward him, that if we ask anything according to his will he hears us. 

Did you catch that very important part of the Word?  “…if we ask anything according to his will he hears us.” So it’s not a magic formula for obtaining all the things that we think will make us happy.  God has a perfect plan for each one of our lives, and if we trust in Him and His perfect will, we will experience a joy and peace that cannot be disturbed by circumstances.  Strong’s defines “faith” as being “absolutely convinced”.  We can be absolutely convinced that whatever circumstances may come our way, God has everything under control and we can get through those circumstances knowing we’ll come out of the experience stronger and even more confident in the knowledge that God will see us through to the other side.  

If God is by us every step of the way, and while we don’t know the finer details, we know His plan is perfect — how can there be any room for fear?  We are not alone.  We’re on an adventure and we have the Creator of the Universe by our side all the way.  What is there to fear?  Nothing!

I’ll wrap it up with this for now.  In 1 Samuel 17:4, the Bible says,

4And there came out from the camp of the Philistines a champion named Goliath of Gath, whose height was six cubits and a span. 5He had a helmet of bronze on his head, and he was armed with a coat of mail, and the weight of the coat was five thousand shekels of bronze. 6And he had bronze armor on his legs, and a javelin of bronze slung between his shoulders. 7The shaft of his spear was like a weaver’s beam, and his spear’s head weighed six hundred shekels of iron. And his shield-bearer went before him. 8He stood and shouted to the ranks of Israel, “Why have you come out to draw up for battle? Am I not a Philistine, and are you not servants of Saul? Choose a man for yourselves, and let him come down to me. 9If he is able to fight with me and kill me, then we will be your servants. But if I prevail against him and kill him, then you shall be our servants and serve us.”10And the Philistine said, “I defy the ranks of Israel this day. Give me a man, that we may fight together.”

In other words, this really scary dude challenged the Israelites to a duel.   There was a lot riding on the line, because if the Israelites were not able to defeat this nine foot tall giant, they would become the servants (slaves?) of the Philistines.  The Israelites had to find someone to take this guy down, or they would be doomed to lives serving the Philistines.

23…behold, the champion, the Philistine of Gath, Goliath by name, came up out of the ranks of the Philistines and spoke the same words as before. And David heard him.
 24All the men of Israel, when they saw the man, fled from him and were much afraid. 25And the men of Israel said, “Have you seen this man who has come up? Surely he has come up to defy Israel. And the king will enrich the man who kills him with great riches and will give him his daughter and make his father’s house free in Israel.” 26And David said to the men who stood by him, “What shall be done for the man who kills this Philistine and takes away the reproach from Israel? For who is this uncircumcised Philistine, that he should defy the armies of the living God?”

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Posted on by Laura Jinkins · 1 Comment

Searching for Faith and Trust and Peace

For several months I’ve been struggling with my faith in God and my ability to trust Him no matter what the circumstances around me may portend.  As a result, it seems as though there’s a constant flutter in my chest — an absence of peace and an almost paralyzing anxiety.  It might not be so paralyzing except that my worries are not simple matters like trusting God for fair weather on a  day when we need to install thirty blinds or for provision to pay off a bill or take care of a house repair.

My weak faith, my difficulty in trusting God are my own fault because I’ve not been diligent in reading His word — getting it really locked into my mind and heart.  And so recent worries threaten to overwhelm because I struggle so much to believe that He cares about me or that He’ll take care of my worries.

Worry #1:

I am almost fifty-one years old and I’m not in the greatest shape.  I’m not talking about the vanity of fitting into the same clothes I wore thirty years ago.  Aching hips and creaking knees, pains that shouldn’t be showing up for another twenty years or more are slowing me down.  I’m talking about not knowing if that anxious feeling in my chest is just an anxious feeling or something that requires a trip to the ER, and being OCD about keeping aspirin in my purse since that supposedly can lessen the effects of a heart attack if taken quickly enough.  And while I hope to spend eternity with the Lord, I am terrified of dying any time soon.  I want to see my daughter achieve her personal goals (whether that be children’s librarian, music teacher, wild chorkie wrangler, etc.), see her marry a good man who will cherish her the way God intended, to hold my grand-babies if that is in His plan for our family, to enjoy the “twilight years” of my life with my husband, whom I love more than anything in this world.  I have friends who say, “Take me now, Lord!  I’m ready to leave this world behind and be with You in glory!”  And I feel guilty for not feeling the same way, because it seems as though I am putting my husband and daughter above God in importance.  But surely He would not give them to me if He didn’t want me to love them with all my heart?  Would He?

Worry #2:

Then there’s that.  How to transition from the parent who makes decisions, guides, and protects a beloved child, to the parent who gives advice, guides and tries to protect the not-still-child, but not-quite-adult…  How to be there and offer counsel and accept that the counsel may or may not be heeded.  I have cried and prayed over how to let go and accept that in this fallen world, heartache and pain are a given and I have not been, and may not always be able to protect my girl from either, because she is growing up.  While I struggle to trust God, my struggle to trust humans with regards to my girl is even greater — I’ve loved her for well over nineteen years (if you count the time I carried her) and it’s difficult to not view the intentions of some of the people entering her life with suspicion.  Do they see her for the wonderful young woman she is, or do they see her as a source for something they want – a commodity to be take advantage of?  She’s so amazing and she loves so hard and she wants to believe the very best about people — until they hurt her and then she’s devastated.  It’s the kind of hurt, the kind of devastation that makes a gentle heart hard and less likely to love in the future, in hopes of not being hurt again.

I’ve loved like that and been devastated when the love I gave was cast aside like yesterday’s trash.  It’s a huge part of the anxiety I feel — wanting to spare her that heartache because I know how it feels and how it scars and how it never goes away completely.  Then I am forced to remember that as much as I love her, God loves her even more than I do.  Whatever happens, if I put my faith and trust in Him, He can redeem any situation for His glory.  So I need to spend more time praying, reading my Bible, strengthening my faith and building my trust in Him.  Then His peace will come.